This is definitely out of the norm for me because I don’t normally talk about dating or relationships unless it pertains to a different subject. But as you all know, I’m single now so I decided to hop back on a couple dating apps, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been going great. So I’m here to vent about it.
If you’re interested in learning why I’m quitting online dating for a while, hearing a couple stories and a little bit of advice, make sure to stick around.
The audio version will be available on Wednesday on any streaming platform of your choice. The video version will be posted the same day on YouTube, so make sure to check it out when they drop. In the meantime, feel free to listen to any of my previous episodes.
Let’s get into it, shall we!
Why Am I Taking A Break?
Because everyone sucks.
I know that seems like a broad statement because not everyone sucks, but the few I’ve met so far haven’t given me much hope that I would get lucky the second time. When I first met my ex-boyfriend on Bumble I figured that I had won the lottery, that online dating couldn’t be that bad if I met someone after less than a month and eventually spent a whole year with him. So I walked into this with that same hope, that same naivety.
But after having three people ghost me and two extremely awkward interactions, I’m starting to realize that the online dating horror stories are true and I’m sick of it. Of course, people have gone through way worse, like I don’t know, murder, but it’s still annoying nonetheless. Especially since I’m just trying to put myself out there. I don’t want to keep being afraid to meet people and have experiences, but I’m starting to lose hope a little bit. Love isn’t something I’m searching for anymore. I just want people who align with what I want in my life and who don’t feel the need to be jealous or intimidated by what I have going on. We’re all trying to figure it out so, I just want to be able to figure it out with someone else.
For example, I met this one guy a couple weeks ago who I felt like I had hit it off with. We had a lot in common and I was sure that we would at least be friends and possibly more if it went in that direction. He was one of the first people that I was actually kind of feeling after my breakup. At first, we’re texting all the time and then I try to meet up with him. Twice actually. And each time was an excuse. Then over time, the texts got shorter and shorter, until they stopped altogether. You’re probably thinking, ‘well maybe he was busy Kae, chill out.’ But that was until I realized he was still active online he was just purposely ignoring me. Which is fine cause you know, things don’t work out, but it was a bit of a sting, not gonna lie.
But I moved past it and still kept trying to put myself out there. This is where we’re going to get into the second guy who I had actually known for over a year. We met through a mutual friend, but we had never actually met in person. So he decides to invite me to this convention called Momocon. And if you don’t know what that is, it’s an anime, comic, and video game convention that’s hosted every year in Atlanta.
At first, I didn’t want to go. Not because I’m not interested in it. I love that type of stuff and visiting a convention has always been a dream of mine, but I tend to fall back into old habits when I have to try something new. But I figured that the guy I had been speaking to seemed pretty nice and we seemed to hit it off really well so I decided to take a leap of faith and I said yes. $50 dollars later and I was scheduled to attend my first convention.
Now I should have known that this shit was going to go sideways when they were extremely unorganized about the driving situation, but I decided to hold on to a little bit of hope. Big mistake.
Not only do I wake up hella early to take an Uber to Atlanta, but they also had the nerve to be thirty minutes late. Let’s remember that I’m a 5’2 black female in the middle of a city that’s known for sex trafficking and God knows what else. Not a great start.
But I try not to let it ruin my day because shit happens and I was still excited to go. Eventually, I meet up with them and what’s this? An empty seat? You’re probably like ‘hold on what? Rewind Kae.’
Well, originally I was supposed to ride with them, but their other friend came through at the last minute and obviously, I got axed cause you know, I just met them, so it was whatever. I wasn’t tripping that much about it.
So you can imagine my surprise when I notice that said mysterious friend was missing. Come to find out, he canceled at the last minute and everyone conveniently forgot to tell me. Great. I’m out $30 but it’s fine. I get to finally meet the person I’ve been speaking to all this time so it’s not a huge bust.
Well, considering this story made its way onto my blog, it was a huge bust. Not only was he the complete opposite of what I expected, but I still had to pay for an Uber back (mind you he offered to pay originally) and I was walking through Atlanta alone for over an hour so I could find a spot for an Uber to pick me up at. I’ll explain more on my podcast, but for the men out there, please learn how to treat a girl. Don’t ever let her walk off by herself in an unfamiliar and crowded area and pay for the fucking Uber if you offer.
Oh and to add icing on the cake, he never once texted and asked if I made it home safe so that friendship is dead and gone.
Now the other couple of people I met are minor so I’m not going to waste too much time explaining those situations, but the other two put such a sour taste in my mouth that I just decided to take a break from online dating. People just aren’t who I thought they were and I just don’t have time for the games or the lack of respect.
I’m at a different point in my life where I need people who can elevate me and if you can’t do that or you feel inadequate next to me then maybe you should go. I’m too great of a person to keep getting shit on by men all the time or having my heart played with. Like it’s ridiculous at this point.
So I’m taking a break. The right people will come my way when they’re supposed to, but right now I’m going to focus on the people who do give a fuck about me. The rest of them can stay where they’re at.
Y’all Need Some Help
I’m going to list out some of my pet peeves about online dating because I’m sick of seeing this. And if you’re that person who does anything on this list, you need to do better.
Fill out the fucking bio
Please for the love of God fill out the bio on your profile.
The whole point of online dating is to get to know people so how am I supposed to do that if you don’t fill out the fucking bio.
This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves because I’m not there just because you’re attractive. I’ll definitely stop if you are, but what’s gonna make me stay is if I can get an idea of what you’re personality is so I can determine if we would be a good fit. I know some people probably don’t care about that, but those are also the type of people who are there for something casual. I’m the type of person who wants something real because I want to know who I’m letting in my space. So if I can’t determine that, I’m swiping left.
So, if you’re on a dating app yourself, please take the time to fill it out correctly. Tell them about yourself, what you like, what you do for a living, etc. Not your Snapchat or IG or something stupid and immature, which I’m going to get into in a little bit. Be yourself. It’s that simple.
Liking a photo…but nothing else
Now I only have this problem on Hinge, because the way they set it up is that you can comment on people’s profiles and then they decide if they want to match or not. I don’t mind that, but what I hate is when people will just like the photo or put emojis.
Maybe this is just me, but if you like an answer I put, but you don’t say anything else, I don’t know how to continue the conversation. That’s right up there with one-word texters. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? And when it comes to photos, I don’t want just a like because it makes me feel one of two ways: (1) you only like me because I’m attractive and nothing else, and (2) you probably didn’t even take the time to read my profile. Why am I going to waste my time with someone who isn’t taking the time to show me that they’re interested in who I am beyond the make-up and the clothes? I want you to get to know me as a person.
Keep that in mind if you’re online dating. Try to find something that you can say to them. And if you don’t know how to start the conversation just try to find some type of ice-breaker or ask how their day was. But one-word answers or likes aren’t the move.
Only saying ‘hey’
I actually had this happen a couple days ago and it’s right up there with those one-word texters. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Immediate swipe left. I don’t even need to say anything else for this because I’m sure you get the point by now.
Being immature as hell
Oh yes, this one irks my soul. If you’ve online dated long enough you’ve come across those people who say stupid shit like this:
- “Oh, this is my height since that matters.”
- “Don’t swipe right if you don’t look like X, Y, Z..”
- “These (insert gender) only want one thing…”
And trust me this isn’t half of what I’ve seen, but these were the ones that came to mind first. If you have any of these in your profile, delete them. You look immature as fuck and it makes you look like an asshole. It’s not funny and it’s not cute.
Maybe some people don’t care, but I feel like the mass majority do, so save yourself the pain and just take it off.
Let’s work on those photos
I know some people don’t always take good photos and that’s fine, but I should be able to see your face. Or it shouldn’t feel like a thirst trap. I can’t count the number of people I’ve come across where the whole profile is just shirtless pics. Like okay, your abs are cute or whatever, but what about you? Who are you?
I don’t think having them on there is a bad thing, but just do it in moderation. There should be a healthy balance between good pictures and facts about you so that someone can get a decent idea of the type of person you are.
Final Thoughts
Online dating is annoying. I think you can get lucky because we’ve all heard the success stories, but I feel like you have to sift through so much trash in order to find some treasure that sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s worth it. And even then, people are only going to show you what they want to show you. You’re lucky if you can find someone who is genuine out the gate and stays that way. So because I’m tired of dealing with the bullshit, I’m going to take a break for a little bit.
If you stuck around to the end, thanks for listening to me vent. And I hope that this taught you a little online dating etiquette. Feel free to share your opinions, success stories, or failures by commenting down below.
Until next time!
-The Writer Chick
the-writer-chick.com 