I know I haven’t updated since January, but college has been kind of kicking my ass. And not to mention I’ve been putting myself out there more, so now I’m gaining a lot of amazing friendships and maybe potential relationships. Out of boredom I decided to join Bumble and so far it’s been an interesting experience. I’ve met some really amazing people so far that I never would have come across because of how introverted I can be.

But the point of this post is that sometimes we have to live in the present moment and soak it all in…I say this because I just had this epiphany while hanging out with my friend. We were walking around trying to look for a new study area and it just hit me like a train that I’m almost halfway through college. I never saw myself getting that far. Not because I couldn’t, but because I had never truly thought of my future to that point.

In high school, I never would have thought that I would switch my major, that I would attend the school of my dreams, that I would’ve published books, went through love and heartache, and more. I never really took the time to just soak in the fact that I’ve made it this far and that I’m proud of myself for doing that. Most of the time I’m running around, taking every moment in stride, but it’s rare that I find myself sitting in the present and really taking it in and being happy about the fact that I’m alive and healthy and happy.

There’s something so freeing about those small moments where you’re not thinking about anything other than what’s in front of you. I guess I finally understand what my grandfather always tells me when he says to live in the now.

I think the only other time I felt this way was on New Years when I watched the fireworks explode behind a fogged sky and felt a sense of freedom in being myself in front of another person. I can recall that day like it was yesterday because I was immersing myself in it. And today was another beautiful day because of that same idea.

I’m sitting here in front of a window, feeling the sun shine down on my skin through the glass as I watch my college campus buzz with life and I’m so grateful to be here. It’s rare that I ever say that or even think that because I’m too busy thinking about the past and the future. I’m too busy running around to even think about feeling gratitude, but today I feel it in my bones. And today I remember what my mother always said about how you need to live your life with gratitude. Tomorrow isn’t promised. And what’s the point in worrying about things that are out of your control?

Because think about it like this: the more you spend your time thinking about things that you can’t control, the more your life is going to slip away until you look back and wonder where the time went and how you ended up here. That happens quite often for me because these few years of exploration will be gone and before I know it, I’ll be an adult with a job and a mortgage and a husband and kids and I’ll be wondering why I didn’t seize those moments when they came to me. I’ve already let a few of those precious moments slip away from me because I was too busy being scared, but I don’t want to regret anything anymore. I want to live and enjoy it. I want to continue to live my life with a sense of gratitude so that I can always remain present and humble, even when life may throw me around. It’s already done that a few times this year and we’re only a month in.

So maybe that’s the point I’m trying to make if you’ve managed to follow along this far. Be present and be grateful that you’re still here, that you’re still breathing and that you’ll always matter, even when you think you don’t. And take time to reflect and enjoy the small things like a red cardinal you might see flying past your window or the ladybug that lands on your hand or the laughter you share with someone you love. Those really make life worth living to tell you the truth.

Thank you for coming to my impromptu Ted Talk. And if any of this makes any sense, feel free to comment down below.



2 thoughts on “THOUGHTS

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